Blame the Sin
by Tabris Macbeth
Summary: A look into Terra's mind at the end of Titan Rising.


Blame the Sin by Tabris  
  
rated PG  
  
disclaimer: Teen Titans is owned by DC Comics. Insert a snappy little comment about me being too poor to sue here. ____________________________________________________________  
  
You guys actually trusted me. I wanted that, but I really wish you hadn't. I wish you would have just turned me away back on the roof. It would have hurt, but maybe it would hurt a lot less then it does now.  
  
When I thought Beast Boy told you guys couldn't control my powers, I hated him. I hated you all. It wasn't right, but I didn't care. I thought you would have kicked me out, or worse, I thought you would hate me. So I did what I always did: I ran.  
Yeah, I'm a coward. But hey, can any of you honestly say you wouldn't do the same? What else was I supposed to do? Stand up for myself? Yeah, that would do a lot of good. "Hey, I make be a walking disaster area, but don't I have a winning personality?" There's nothing else I can do, and there's nothing else I know. It would have been for the best. All I ever do, all I've ever done, is ruin lives, and you guys aren't gonna be an exception.  
When I think about it, maybe they deserved it. Maybe you guys deserve it. When I was younger, when I was just a kid, you think anyone was supportive of me when they found out what I could do? You think anyone stood by me? You think anyone held me when I was scared and cold when I was camping out in a cave or under a bridge? No! They called me a monster, they threw rocks at me, they told me to leave and never come back. I couldn't control my powers, but I was just a little girl. Why should I care about them?  
  
I'm sure you all had nice, happy childhoods. Well, maybe not so much you, Raven, but let me tell you about my childhood. I was left on the steps of this church in a small town. When I was about four, everything collapsed in an earthquake. I knew I caused it somehow, but I didn't say anything. So then I got involved with some adoption agency. Everything was fine until I told someone what I could do. They didn't believe me, so I show them. Show them too much, obviously. So I became a drifter, eating out of dumpsters and scavenging in the wilderness. When that failed, I resorted to panhandling and even stealing. Whenever I got comfortable, everything fell apart. Sure, people are grateful when you kill off a giant radioactive worm or something, but you think they'd be forgiving if you accidentally topple a few buildings? Nope. They like you when you kick some evil butt, but they hate your guts when you slip up. They don't even want to hear your side of things. If you're lucky, all they do is tell you not to let the door hit you on the way out.  
I remember on those really scary nights, I would hug my knees and cry. I'd pretend I had a mom and dad, and sisters and brothers, and they were all hugging me. I was safe and secure in a nice warm house, and we had puppies and kittens, and I basically had everything I never didn't have. But you guys gave me a home, a family. Even after you knew what I was capable off. I really wish I hadn't ran away before.  
I still can't believe it. You guys actually took me in. You're family now. Even you, Raven. Especially you. I knew you were like me, and that's why it meant so much that you trusted me. I know how I act, but...I haven't really liked my life up until this point.  
  
Why did you guys have to trust me? It feels good to be part of a group, but why? Raven was right. You can't just magically gain full control of your powers one day. That's just not how it works. But you all believed me anyway. I've done something terrible. I did it so I wouldn't hurt anyone anymore, but...at the time, it was for petty, stupid revenge. Now I'm on a very short leash. I finally have control, but what did it cost me? Maybe they were all right. Maybe I am a monster. If I wasn't before,  
Well, as I see it, there are only two courses of action now. I'm sorry, guys. I'm really sorry. I'm such a coward. ____________________________________________________________  
  
author's notes: I've seen quite a bit of Terra bashing, and not only as a Terra fan (I liked Raven, too, by the way) but as a natural psychologist, I thought I'd try to tell things from her point of view. Hey, if you had to sell your soul to the devil in order not to accidentally destroy everything around you, would you do it? The answer isn't as simple as you'd think. 


End file.
